Day 103838922 of no job.

It's 12:12AM on a Thursday night/Friday morning (however you wanna look at it) and I'm stressing. I'm stressing because I don't have a job and after six months of being a graduate from a great university, it feels like I have nothing to show for it. Like my degree is going to waste. 

Now, I realize that I'm dramatic most of the time, but honestly this is getting to me. I wake up with being jobless on the brain and go to bed thinking the same thoughts. When I'm not thinking about my struggle and it suddenly comes up in my brain, I can feel my body physically become stressed. My head begins to throb. My heart starts beating a little quicker. My back throbs a bit. I have anxiety and it's awful, especially since I've never really experienced this myself before. 

The thing that gets me is that I've honestly been trying. I've applied to I don't know how many jobs and I'm on job sites daily checking for open positions but it starts to feel like I'm doing nothing. And this is coming from the queen of liking to be at home watching Netflix and being lazy all day. I'm bored and I need to have something to do everyday that makes me feel like I'm contributing to something. Also, having a steady income would be nice. 

I'm just tired of being nervous for interviews and having my fate (dramatic, I know) in someone else's hands as I wait for them to get back to me. They take their time and it sucks.  

I'm trying to be patient and trust that God will bless me with a job that is perfect for me, but it's hard. I've always had an issue with not knowing, and I'm working on it. Honestly, I am.