SHAVANA + CENTRAL PARK

MELANIN.MAGIC.MONDAY 

despite everyone else with a job or school saying today is the worst day, monday is actually one of my favorites. three things: my job isn't super stressful (that's sunday), it's #motivationmonday, and i get to start the week off right. or definitely try to.  

last week, i had the pleasure and honor of working with ms. shavana clarke (@shavanaclrk) for the second time. it took us literally a year to get back together again but it was well worth the wait- as you'll see in the images to come.  

shavana is a dream because she knows what she's doing. she's not even a signed, professional model, ya'll! she's a super talented actress that is no doubt GREAT at what she does (i can tell just from her natural grace in front of the lens). this time hit the mark like the last and i'm so happy to share.

OK, enough of the gushing. here are le final edits: 

KADIJAH_SHAVANA_0610_8.jpg

PHOTO: titi's session

Guess who's back, back, back! Back again.

So, I finally got that job that I was stressing about all those months ago and it's a blessing. Being able to provide for myself with a full time job is amazing and I'd have it no other way. Once I got adjusted, I started shooting again when the new year came and now there's a happy balance. Hooray for me and adulthood!

Anyway, I've wanted to start blogging my sessions here since the images that I don't end up posting on IG just stay in the vault forever. My last shoot was with Titi, who is amazing! Most of the models I link up with come from Model Mayhem (shoutout to that platform) and they've all be bomb so far. 

So, without further adieu ... here is the magic: 

TITI'S IG: @TITIREWA

Day 103838922 of no job.

It's 12:12AM on a Thursday night/Friday morning (however you wanna look at it) and I'm stressing. I'm stressing because I don't have a job and after six months of being a graduate from a great university, it feels like I have nothing to show for it. Like my degree is going to waste. 

Now, I realize that I'm dramatic most of the time, but honestly this is getting to me. I wake up with being jobless on the brain and go to bed thinking the same thoughts. When I'm not thinking about my struggle and it suddenly comes up in my brain, I can feel my body physically become stressed. My head begins to throb. My heart starts beating a little quicker. My back throbs a bit. I have anxiety and it's awful, especially since I've never really experienced this myself before. 

The thing that gets me is that I've honestly been trying. I've applied to I don't know how many jobs and I'm on job sites daily checking for open positions but it starts to feel like I'm doing nothing. And this is coming from the queen of liking to be at home watching Netflix and being lazy all day. I'm bored and I need to have something to do everyday that makes me feel like I'm contributing to something. Also, having a steady income would be nice. 

I'm just tired of being nervous for interviews and having my fate (dramatic, I know) in someone else's hands as I wait for them to get back to me. They take their time and it sucks.  

I'm trying to be patient and trust that God will bless me with a job that is perfect for me, but it's hard. I've always had an issue with not knowing, and I'm working on it. Honestly, I am.

PHOTOGRAPHY: finding my style

As of late, I've been dealing with the idea of understanding and embracing my style of photography (mainly with my post-production). I'm a huge fan of finding people that inspire and motivate me, so early in my photo career, I went onto Instagram and began following loads of people who I honestly adore and look up to, and to this day I still feel the same way about most of them. I think what I admire so much is that when I am scrolling through my feed, I can immediately tell whose photo it is based on the way it looks before I even look to see who posted it or who was tagged as the photographer.

That is a skill I am dying to have. 

For people to recognize your work as your own just from looking at it is what helps you to get clients and gigs and more work because it stands out. You take this kind of photo so much better than the others. That is a gift and a blessing. Something I am working towards, but honestly it is so frustrating not to understand how to do something immediately. Especially for me, a person who is used to grasping something quickly.   

I think I'm also just really hard on myself when it comes to my pictures. I have it in my head how I want the image to look, so when it doesn't come out that way I envisioned that can be a blow to my self-esteem. It's tough because I'm trying to please myself with my work but I also care what others think. 

I guess the ultimate solution is to keep practicing because practice makes perfect. Perfect your craft by studying and repeating it over and over until it is ingrained into your mind and body. Until you no longer have to think about it. Until you are absolutely happy and don't care what others will think.

Maybe it it is that easy. Maybe it is that simple and I am just lazy.